Friend in need
by shojo bat
Summary: Wesley is slipping into depression and as life in wolfram and hart begins to take its toll, He finds help in an unlikely source  Adult themes. Warning will include blood play and gore in later chapter
1. Word of Advice

**Title: Friend in need**

Author: Super-Bishojo-BatRating: PG

Disclaimer: This story is not an original piece. All characters belong to Joss Whedon not me.

Spoilers: set late season five around origin

Summary: Wesley is slipping into depression and as life in wolfram and hart begins to take its toll; He finds help in an unlikely source.

**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&**

Wesley slouched over his desk, dreams of Fred plagued his mind and soul that we're slowly becoming nightmare of a life that will never be. He hadn't left his office in 6 hour, he had claimed to be doing work so he could be left alone to be memorised by the wonder that was his mind and how well it could project a believable replica of his true love. Of course he still knew in his heart it was a lie.

The lack of sleep mixed with the intense amount of alcohol he had consumed wasn't good for his health. Mental or psychical. But it was the easy way out and Wesley wasn't feeling particularly strong at this point in time. It felt like nothing matter. Life meant nothing without her; Gunn was gone as well, off in some hell dimension, thanks to him. He had made Gunn feel worse about what had happened. So bad he gave up his life to hell.

It felt like Angel was gone as well. They were no longer close and didn't talk as much, there was a definite lack of trust there for sure. Illyriawas there but she was not his friend just the thing that hollowed out the women he loved and was now wearing her skin. Life was falling apart. It seemed like wolfram and heart had destroyed them all, shattered there minds and spat on there wilful spirits. It was like helping the helpless meant nothing.

It was time like this he missed Cordelia, she wouldn't of let them come here and even if she did she'd be here cheering him up, giving him a pep talk and a hopeful smile. She knew the mission; it was practically drilled into her head thanks to those visions. He knew Angel missed her and loved her more than him and that her death had taken its toll on him and followed by Fred's death it's knocked the spirit right out of him and he understood that but he wasn't alone there. Angel's loss was also there loss always has been always will be.

Wesley was so deep into though he didn't even noticed the door open. He was too absorbed in his own problems to care really.

He only realised someone was there when he heard one of his scotch bottles being picked but by a pale hand. They tutted and turned to him. And there stood spike, that arrogant smirk plastered across his face as the empty liquor bottle lingered in his hand. He read the label and sat on the arm of the couch in Wesley's office.

"Wow I gotta say Percy, if this is the work you guys get I really want a job here" Spike said, that thick cockney accent just pouring out his mouth with every syllable.

Wesley sat up and straightened his clothes. He moved a few book around to make it look like he was doing some work but it was obvious by now what was going on, he was drinking alone in is office, having his own private party of pity.

"Spike ... what can I help you with?" Wesley asked in his straight-to-business tone, but spike seemed unfazed by it and plucked a half full bottle of scotch out of the stack of empty ones and took a swig.

"Nothing really just bored, Angel's being all brood and will barely responded to my insults, talk about self involved" Spike sighed and drank some more of the left over scotch

"Oh you two aren't breaking up are you?" Wesley said slouching in his chair and slight smile on his face. Spike rolled his eyes and drank the last of the amber liquid.

"Got any more I could use a drink?" He said looking about the office for a sign of another alcoholic drink, he then looked at Wesley, he did look to good he was wearing an old sweater and a pair of faded jeans. He looked sleep deprived and almost as pale as spike. "And you could use some sleep mate" Spike pointed out

Wesley chose to ignore that comment and reached into his draw. He rattled about for a minute, then present spike with another bottle of liquor, which he gladly took and as back down on the couch

"So ... when did you last sleep anyway" Spike inquired but it didn't seem like concern but more generally interest "Cause I gotta tell you mate, your not dead yet and all humans need there sleep. Hell all vampires need there sleep" Spike said tossing back the drink and then wiping his mouth.

"I'm fully aware that humans need sleep what I'm not understanding is why this talk is coming from you when usually I get the lecture from Angel" Wesley wondered

Spike sighed "We'll the big ponce is all busy brooding to notice so I got stuck with the job thanks to green"

Green. He must have been referring to Lorne. The horned demon seemed as depressed as he was after Fred had died, not the same person, not happy and upbeat, there was no song in his heart. But Lorne recovered not because he wanted to but because he felt like he had too, like he need to bring joy back to the fang gang.

"What did Lorne say exactly?" Wesley asked seeming more interested than before.

"Well with several disturbing nicknames and his unusual choice of phrase I managed to decipher the point mate and apparently he worried about you and the peaches if too wrapped up in himself to do anything so for some reason Lorne wants me to talk to you" Spike explained putting his feet up on the table across from the couch and relaxing

"Angel has every right to be wrapped up in himself. He's lost a lot of people he loved two very special women to him ... to all of us" Wesley said sourly "And not to mention his son" He said sadly

Spike sighed and drank some more of the amber liquid letting it slowly burn his throat. He narrowed his eyes "God Percy do you always have to stick up for the ponce I mean come on mate he can be a bit of a drama queen" Spike said looking back at Wesley

"Sometimes yes but can you blame him?" Wesley said meeting Spikes gazes

"Whatever" Spike shrugged and took another sip "So what's this then you want to drown your sorrows" Spike said gesturing at the empty bottle placed randomly around his office

"What do you think?" Wesley said standing up and walking toward his book case. He still had to research Illyria and he could spend all day trying to hold on to a dream.

Spike stood up and walked toward Wesley "First off I doubt you can actually read that in your state believe me I know how hard it is to read while drunk" Spike said plucking the book out of his hands and placing it on the desk "and also if you going to get pissed you may as well do it right" Spike said and once again there was that smirk again

Wesley was still standing there hold the air where the book had been eyes locked with Spike. He broke the intense staring match and turned his back to spike "No thank you I'd prefer not to hang about in some dark and dank bar full of hopeless drunks" Wesley said bitterly and walked back this desk moving the book spike had put down back by him

"Well Wesley in case you haven't noticed I think you'd get along with those people" Spike pointed out "To be quite honest mate I don't really give a damn but your demon friend insisted and I did it as a good deed" Spike explained "And hey I tried, good deed over" spike said and drank the rest of the scotch.

"Glad to know I helped you rack up the points to shanshu" Wesley said and he ran his hand through his hair. He was tired and all he wanted was to sleep but he couldn't. He had tried to but the thoughts in his mind kept him awake. He almost felt guilty for sleeping. Illyria was roaming around wolfram and hart and the apocalypse was fast approaching. Why should he be sleeping while the world falls into chaos and his friend's suffer?

"Cheers" Was Spike's only response. He was watching Wesley. He was so tired and depressed and need more than him. Why Lorne had asked him was beyond his knowledge. As he began to leave the office he saw Wesley pushed the book aside and place his head on the desk. Spike turned back "You know head boy your not the only one still fighting we all are, just cause you stop for an hour or so doesn't mean that you have pulled out the battle" Spike said before leaving the room immediately not waiting for Wesley's response.

Wesley though about spike's words but he still didn't stop he just tried to focus one the book he was reading despite his blurry vision.

Wesley stood up. Back onto his shaky legs and walked toward some of the empty scotch bottles and threw them in the bin and he heard them shattered. He wondered if that's what it sounded like when Fred's soul shattered into a million pieces, never to be restored.

Everything was going to hell and all because of one simple choice. All thanks to wolfram and hart. And now all that was left of the team was Angel who was stuck in his own pit of depression, Gunn who was in some kind of hell dimension having his heart removed, a demon in his true loves brother, a peroxide blond narcissist and him who was a mental wreck. The only stable person was Lorne and for all he knew that was an act.

Life was falling apart and there was nothing he could do about it. He could practically feel his life slip through his hands and into the oblivion where most of his friend had fallen. All he wanted was to back in the Hyperion with Fred and Cordelia alive and well. Where he and Gunn were still close friend and there were no bad feelings between them and angel was he usual brooding self.

Chances of that happening were low now. They had sold there souls to the devil and were paying for it. This was all for the greater cause but at the moment it didn't seem so great.

He never thought he'd think this but maybe spike was right. If he stop for a moment that was it he was still in this battle whether he wanted to be or not. Wesley rested his head on the desk and closed his eyes for the first time in days and he closed his eyes and he was welcomed back into the world of sleep.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Spike walked out of Wesley's office and stood in the corridor. With Angel devastated by what was happening too his comrades it made it hard for him to argue with him. There wasn't really anywhere for him to go, he was never really a true part of this team. Judging by the look of Percy he was lucky he wasn't a part of Angel inc. because they weren't having the best luck.

On his little mission to Wesley's office he had discovered that the former watcher had a good taste in alcohol and that he probably hadn't slept in about a week. But quite frankly who could blame him. The women he loved had died and all he had was a day or two with her before her insides were hollowed out for queen bitch to invade and concur.

Spike walked down the hallways toward the centre where they had discussed Fred impeding doom. He remember it all, hero's standing in a circle prepared to do anything. Champions, yet none of them could do anything. It was the first time he had felt such a bond with angel, they agreed for the first time in ages.

Of course the memory of Knox being in that circle some what demolished the image of heroism. That traitorous git dissevered to die slower and more painful than he did. He could recall the bullet hitting know and that look on his face _bloody priceless right after angels big speech_ he though, he had to admit it was well timed.

He wondered what affect that had on Wesley, he seem to show no remorse towards his action but then again who would that creep had it coming, he should have known not to mess with Fred.

As spike wondered around the hallways deep in though he walk into Lorne, almost knocking the horn demon over as there shoulders clashed.

"Wow easier there big guy" Lorne said smiling, pulling brightly coloured blazer straight and standing in spikes way "So did you talk to Wesley?" Lorne said jumping right to the point.

"Yup and I still don't understand why I had to do I mean why couldn't you just drag the great poof off his pity thrown and get him to do it" Spike said and then sighed

"Cause have you been in a room with him lately talk about cold ... I think wolfram and hart is getting to him" Lorne said in jokey tone but spike knew what he was saying was serious

"Well anyway I talked to ol' Percy and I didn't get much of a response to be honest" Spike said

"Ah well he never was one for communication over feelings" Lorne said thinking about the old Wesley he knew, Always faithful to angel and always helping him out. The book man. Now he was an insomniac, psycho stuck in a pit of depression

"Look all I know mate is that Wes will never open up to me ok so try someone else" Spike said and took off down the hall leaving Lorne still standing behind him

"There is no one else" Lorne said grimly.


	2. Rooftop Speculations

**This is the second chapter so have fun reading it and tell me what you think **

**

* * *

**

_He stood with her close to him, in his embrace and his alone. Her hair was blowing in the wind as they stood tall looking over the streets of L.A. from the roof. She was here with him. Forever. _

"_I love you so much" Fred smiled at him and he pulled her closely "I told you I'd beat it that's my power" She laughed a little._

"_I know I had faith in you, you're a champion" Wesley smiled and stared at the sunset it was wonderful as it emerged from behind the buildings, he hadn't taken his eyes off it since it had started. _

"_I know I am ... I just wish you we're" Fred said bitterly and she felt unusually cold. She squirmed in his grip and for the first time he looked down expecting to see Fred but instead there was a less pleasant surprise..._

_There in his arm was the rotting corpse of none other than Knox, his face looked explicatively rancid, it was green with mould and rotting flesh hanging from it and there were maggots crawling around his face. It reminded him of the first time he saw jasmines true face and that sickening feeling plagued his system. Knox's armed reached for his shoulder and every bone in Knox's arms cracked with a disgusting noise like someone snapping a dead corpse fresh with rigamortus and he grasped him tightly on the shoulders looking into his eyes as he stared back with his own eyes, his livid bulging eyes that looked swollen, Truly he looked like something out of a gothic novel._

"_Your not a champion you're a murderer and traitor you don't deserve to walk with heroes you should be the one in the ground" Knox said with his usual cocky and smug little tone but there was a slight eeriness to the tone that sent shivers down Wesley's spine _

"_I did it for her; you didn't deserve to be in her life." Wesley yelled and pushed the decrepit arms off him. Knox's arms fell back to his side and a vulpine smile appeared on his face._

"_Go to hell" Knox said with no malice, it sounded almost friendly if it wasn't for that strange feeling Wesley was getting he wouldn't of though anything of it._

_Suddenly Wesley felt restricted like he couldn't breath he closed his eyes and opened them to find himself in a ditch. It was slippy and then he noticed how much it was raining. His claustrophobia set in and he scrambled for the wall but couldn't reach the sides because his hand slipped and he couldn't keep a grip on the wet walls as he tried in vain to free himself he heard a laugh, it was familiar not a out right laugh more like a small one you'd do at something that wasn't all that funny. There in front of him was Angel, leaning on a spade looking confident like he would before a fight. _

"_Angel?" Wesley called and moved to the area near him. Angel didn't seem to look at him at first until Wesley struggled for the top of the ditch by Angel's feet. He felt some dirt hit his head and he feel back down into the wet floor. He shook his head to get the water and mud off him and looked back up "Angel give me a hand" Wesley shouted over the constant drumming of the rain but once again more dirt fell on him._

"_Traitor" The words poured out of Angel's mouth like venom and it hurt to hear, he remember the memories he had retrieved to get Fred back, Angel's son, the father will kill the son and Wesley's actions and the slit throat. The mark of Cain. _

"_Angel I'm sorry I didn't know but please..." Wesley said but angel kept shovelling dirt which fastly became mud. Wesley panicked and backed away from Angel and put his hand on something that was solid he turned his head to see Fred's dead body staring at him in a similar state as Knox had been. It took him a moment to register it and angel spoke up again._

"_Well Wes you wanted to be with her so bad ... Well now you can forever." Angel smirked and kept dropping heaps of dirt down. Wesley moved away from Fred and hit one of the walls and began to try and climb but he couldn't get a descent grip _

"_Angel please I can't...I...please don't do this" Wesley begged, clawing at the wall. He heard a song being gently hummed a song, it sounded like mockingbird and he looked up to see Lorne with his back turned to him "Lorne? Please ..." Wesley began but he knew Lorne knew what he meant._

"_Best of luck muffin" Lorne said in a jolly tone and then ignored him still humming._

_In a flash, the dirt rose to his shoulder and he began to panic. Clawing his nails through the mud to free his arm but couldn't the mud was to thick. He kicked his feet about but they were hard to move. Angel still stood there, his expression unreadable _

"_Oh god Angel? Lorne? Someone please I can't be here I don't like it ... its too small I can't breathe" He said breathing heavy. As he struggled, he felt something grab his leg. A hand. It was slowing pulling him in and Wesley struggled madly "No. No Angel please I'm sorry I didn't know." He screamed loudly over the sound of the rain. Tears reaching his eyes._

_As he slowly sunk into the ground he focused on Angel he threw on moved shovel full of dirt down and turned his back. Lorne was no longer around and Angel was leaving. He would truly be alone with no help _

"_Don't go please ..." He said tear now following as he went neck down in it as he was slowly being pulled. He gave one last struggle before he was pulled under. The he saw Fred's grim face and everything went black._

Wesley awoke breathing heavy, he knocked the cup next to him over and he clutched his head. There were still tears around his eyes which he wiped off. He was still breathing heavy with the image of being buried alive, all alone with no air and no friends. The image of Angel throwing that dirt into his grave still made him feel violently sick and he ran a hand through his hair.

Was he champion? He knew he was a murderer, a traitor, an absolute failure and practically useless at everything he did. How could he be a hero when he could barely save himself? No wonder Cordelia and Fred were dead, what could he do, nothing, he was disposable. Angel didn't need him. He was more trouble than he was worth ... he had stabbed Gunn, what if he would have died then would Angel of killed him. Gunn was more useful him, he could always help to fight the good fight what use was Wesley.

Wesley stood up feeling shaky, maybe it was the dream but it could have been the massive amount of drink he had consumed. Whatever it was Wesley felt really sick. He felt claustrophobic in such a small room, he suddenly felt confined and found it hard to breath again like Illyria did when she was in his apartment.

He ran out the room in a not so straight line and slammed the door behind him. He stood in the corridor and took a few minutes to calm himself down. Passing workers were all staring at him and it was getting to him. He walked down the hallway and into the lobby which was a lot bigger and he took a breath of relief.

"Err Wes are you okay?" Wesley heard coming from the other side of the room. He turned to see harmony stand at her desk looking at him in amazement and pity. She wasn't the only one, Half the people in hallway were looking at him. It was probably because he looked so sick and he was sweating, there was also panic still on his face.

"I'm fine harmony thanks" Wesley said giving her his best smile but it didn't look very reassuring. Wesley felt a belt of sickness overcome him and he went pale for a second. He needed space away from everyone. It was too much he didn't like them all looking at him.

The door to Angel's office opened and he leaned out the door to see what people appear to be glancing at as they walk past. He saw Wesley looking slightly pale and dishevelled with a sick look on his face like he had seen some horrible accident. "Wesley?" Angel asked and was taken back by Wesley reaction. He jumped back a bit the composed himself

"Angel ... I ... um ... I was just getting some air" He explained not making eye contact. He watched several of the lawyers walk past when they noticed he was looking back there heads shoot the other way.

Angel walked forward "Wes I've been meaning to talk to you about you overworking maybe you should sleep" Angel said calmly like Wesley was about to flip which made Wesley confused. Surely he didn't look that bad.

"I'm fine I just slept anyway I just ... I need some space ... I ... Um I'm going" Wesley said and head back toward the stairs. He decided it would be best to get into an open space so he took off toward the roof. On his away he ran into Spike that looked at him and smirked

"Looks like your out and about now wow the way these people are reacting its like they've never seen you before mate then again it has been a long time since anyone seen you outside that office" Spike said smugly

Wesley felt uneasy again, he was sure it was the alcohol catching up with him in a sort of hangover or not. He shrugged Spike comment off and continued towards the emergency exit that lead to the roof. He should have known that wasn't enough to get rid of spike, who had followed him

"Hey where you headin' Percy? One of Peaches little missions?" Spike asked followed Wesley

"No" Wesley said simply and walked up the stairs toward the exit despite Wesley's best effort to slam the door on Spike, the vampire had grabbed it and pushed his way through, right behind Wesley "Spike Why the hell are you following me?" Wesley asked sounding annoyed. He already felt sick and just wanted to be alone until the after effects of all that alcohol was gone and he know longer felt as constricted then he could go back to work.

"Because I'm bored and seen as I can't piss peaches off much anymore I decided I'll bug you, you two hold similar reactions" Spike said smiled and he placed a hand on Wesley's back "Tough luck mate" Spike said overtaking Wesley in the stair case and look ahead to see the roof and the dark night sky

"Why are we up here anyway" Spike asked look confused but still continued

Wesley rolled his eyes "Well I'm up here because I need some air it was too cramped in there and you are here because you want to annoy me for some reason" Wesley pointed out walking toward the edge of the building

"As long as your not here to off yourself that's fine" He said going to the edge of the building near where Wesley was standing and he looked down. He remember looking down that well and knowing that there was a hole in the world like Fred had left a hole in there hearts. Even if his heart and the poofs happened to be dried up anyway.

As Wesley looked down the build he felt sicker, the height began to give him slight vertigo and he felt dizzy and held is head. He back away from the edge not trusting his legs to stay stable near the end of the roof. He sat on the floor and leaned against the small wall that covered the edges of the roof.

Spike turned round and noticed how pale he was looking "Hey Percy are you alright mate" He asked more curious than companionate and he walked toward Wes.

"I'm fine I think I a bit hung ov..." Wesley never finished the sentence. He felt his stomach clench and wretch and he leaned over and threw up all his stomach content and quite a bit of bile. It burned his throat as he choked and spluttered. He clutched his stomach and waited for it to end. Spike took a step back and looked at him in disbelief

"Christ Wes" spike exclaimed "You ok?" He got a faint nod from Wesley

"Wow I think you had one to many scotches mate" Spike said and waited for Wesley to finish expelling his pasted dinners after a few seconds Wesley appeared to be done but he was still bent over and leaning forward just in case

"Um you need a hand there Percy" Spike asked trying to be nice but failing to sound caring at all. Wesley nodded with saying anything and Spike help drag him to his feet. Wesley felt the world spin as days of sleep loss and alcohol abuse caught up with him.

"Oh god" Wesley croaked out and stood firm but as soon as the started to move he crumpled like a paper bag

"Wow careful there head boy come on I'll get ya' to Angel" Spike said and began to walk back when Wesley stopped him and reached out.

"Don't I can't go back in there it to small I can't take it please just go back down and leave me alone" Wesley said as if he had just given up.

"Fine mate whatever you want but I'm not goin' sorry" Spike said and Wesley pulled from his grip and walked away unsteadily

"Don't you have someone to be annoying?" Wesley sneered at spike still holding his stomach

"Yep I'm with 'im" Spike smirked and lean against the wall. He pulled out a cigarette and a lighter and lite it up. He took a long relaxing drag and blew it back out in one massive cloud of smoke

"Great" Wesley replied rolling his eyes. He watched Spike inhale and then exhale the smoke and he shook his head "That's a nasty habit" Wesley stated

"It hardly gonna kill me" Spike pointed out taking another long drag and Wesley watched as the smoke poured out of his mouth.

"Yes but its hardly pleasant for the rest of us, who are breathing" Wesley said bluntly

Spike sighed and threw it on the floor and put one of his boot covered feet on it to put it out. Wesley nodded in appreciation then hung his head and took a few deep breaths. He was still holding his stomach and leaning to the left a little in fear of throwing up on himself

"So what's up with you then? Nancy boy still buggin' ya?" Spike asked and slouched against the wall

"No it's not him I just ... I had a ... well it wasn't the nicest dream ever" Wesley said then waited for Spike's snide little comment, when he didn't hear one he looked up at Spike.

Spike was staring into the sky looking at the stars, there was only a few but they still illuminated the sky. "Yeah dreams can be a bitch sometimes" Spike said and looked down and straight into Wesley's eyes and smirked "So you did listen to me then?" Spike asked

Wesley shrugged "I guess I did yeah but it was mainly because I was so tired thing just get so hard sometime and it's just nice to relax and drift off"

They were silent for a while just wrapped away in there own thoughts. Spike thought about what Wesley had said. There were many time when he just wanted to lay his head down; the chip, the soul and Buffy ... they all got to him and made him want to stop and lay down they all became too much. Wesley was slowly losing everyone and it couldn't have been easy to see Fred die in his arms and then have to look at the dead body and murderer everyday.

Spike snapped out of his train of thoughts and looked at Wesley who seem as deep in though

"Well come on head boy lets call it a night" Spike said and Wesley stood up "You need to catch up on about 100 hours sleep I think" Spike smiled at Wesley who came closer

"Nah I think I'm just going to research for the rest of tonight I already slept enough" Wesley said half telling the truth, he was still worried and a little scared of falling asleep to that nightmarish place. No he didn't want that again.

"Bullshit" Spike said simply and grabbed Wesley by his sleeve and pulled him down the stair case "Look mate you need slept or you'll become completely useless" Spike stated and let go of Wesley who trailed behind him

"I already am" Wesley said sound tried "I fail as a watcher, I'm a traitor, and murderer and I couldn't even stop the women I loved fro dying" Wesley said sadly and once again hung his head.

Spike whipped round to face Wesley "Don't you dare feel bad about killing that wanker Knox, he is the reason why Fred died and there was nothing you could do to stop that and I'm sure you wouldn't betray the almighty peaches without a incredibly good reason" Spike said looking directly at Wesley then turned back round quickly "And quite frankly who would want to be a watcher anyway" Spike said snidely.

Wesley looked at Spike stunned. Was Spike just being nice to him? He couldn't of ... he had always though that he was only nice to Buffy cause he wanted to be with her and that was it.

"Yeah it not that good" Wesley shrugged "Thanks" Wesley whispered quietly with a smile on his face not intending spike to hear. Of course it had slipped Wes' mind that Spike abnormally good hearing.

As Wesley exited toward his office Spike yelled "Make sure you sleep or I'll nick summit' from the labs and inject it into you" He smirked as Wesley smiled back then closed the door on his office "And your welcome" Spike whispered back and walked towards Angel's office to see what his mood was.

Wesley lay down on the couch wondering about what spike had said he was right really about all those things. Except maybe the watcher one there were people sad enough to want to be one ... him for an example. The main thing that lingered in his mind was why those words had come from Spike. Then again Spike would have to be a good person to have a soul; he just never seemed to show it.

_So there were still heroes left in this world after all _Wesley though as he closed his eyes.


End file.
